In Hindsight: The Lessons I Learned Working for a NY Law Firm
If you’ve read my debut novel A Woman of Extraordinary Skill, you’ll know that much of it is set in a New York law firm, an environment that, at the time, was heavily dominated by men. My own first job after law school was at a prestigious New York firm not unlike the one Julia and Murray work for in the book. I am not exaggerating when I say that the corridors were lined with suits and ties. It was a sea of conformity, and I stood out: long hair, heels, and a quiet determination to make my place in that world.
It wasn’t easy. The misogynistic microaggressions that were coming from both men and women were commonplace. Ideas stolen mid-meeting, voices talked over, contributions dismissed. It happened so frequently that eventually I stopped reacting; I normalized it, as many women do, just to survive. And the most shocking fact is that decades later, women in law still face many of the same barriers: unequal pay, fewer top positions, and the constant weight of preconceived notions.
Looking back, I can’t help but wish I had approached some things differently. These are the lessons I wish I had known, and the lessons I now share with young women (and really, anyone) navigating high-pressure careers.
1. How to Interrupt the Interrupter
One of the hardest skills I had to learn was reclaiming my voice in meetings. Early on, I believed that letting interruptions pass made me seem less “difficult.” In truth, it only silenced me further.
It is perfectly acceptable, even necessary, to interrupt the interrupter. A simple, steady: “Hold on, I wasn’t finished. Please let me complete my thought.” That’s not rude, and it’s not “bitchy.” It’s a basic boundary-setting tool.
In fact, I later realized that much of professional respect comes from the delivery. Being matter-of-fact, calm, and clear makes all the difference. The words themselves reclaim space, but the tone shows confidence. Think of it not as confrontation, but as insisting on the fairness you deserve.
2. When Someone Steals Your Idea, Use Humor
Few things are as frustrating as watching your idea get recycled by someone else in the room… only to receive nods of agreement as if it were brand new. It happened to me more times than I can count.
The best tool I discovered was humor: “I’m so glad you agree with me on this point which I suggested a few minutes ago. Perhaps we can collaborate on moving it forward.” Delivered with a smile, it diffuses tension while gently making clear that the idea originated with you.
Humor is often underestimated as a form of resistance. I learned this even as a student, where humor disarmed bullies and shifted the dynamic. In the workplace, it can highlight inequity without alienating others. It reframes you as confident, witty, and in control.
3. Imagine Yourself as a Monster
This one may sound odd, but it came directly from advice I once received from a therapist. When commuting through crowds, I often felt physically overwhelmed and fearful, especially when I had to make my way reverse commuting through the throngs at Penn Station while pregnant. My therapist suggested: “Imagine yourself as a stegosaurus, covered in protective spikes.”
It worked. People gave me space.
Later, I realized this visualization applies to professional spaces too. When walking into a boardroom or a deposition stacked with men ready to dismiss me, I would imagine myself armored with spikes, plates, and confidence. It shifted my body language. I stood taller, spoke more clearly, and radiated a “don’t mess with me” energy.
Sometimes confidence is about performance until it becomes habit. Imagining yourself as a monster is one way to access that mindset.
4. Don’t Fear the Labels
“Catty.” “Bossy.” “Bitchy.” These are the words women often hear when they assert themselves. Men giving the same directive? They’re “confident,” “decisive,” even “strong leaders.”
For years, I let those labels sting. I bent myself smaller, softened my tone, second-guessed my phrasing. But hindsight has taught me this: it doesn’t matter. Labels say more about the insecurities of the person using them than they do about you.
The real danger is internalizing those words. If you let them define you, they control your career. If you dismiss them as irrelevant, you free yourself to lead authentically.
5. Find a Mentor (Especially a Woman)
One of the most powerful lessons I learned is that mentorship matters. When I was a young attorney, there weren’t many women ahead of me in the field. The few who were often faced their own battles and, sometimes, internalized the culture of scarcity, seeing other women as competitors rather than allies.
But when I did find women willing to advise and encourage me, the impact was profound. They provided not only strategies but also reassurance: “You’re not imagining this. It’s real. And here’s how I navigated it.”
If you don’t see obvious mentors at work, create your own opportunities. Reach out. Invite someone for coffee. Ask them to share their story. You’d be surprised how often people are flattered to be asked, and how much wisdom they’re willing to pass along.
Working in law taught me so more than statutes and precedents… it taught me about resilience. I may have stayed in environments longer than I should have, determined not to let others define my success. I eventually left on my own terms, and I’m glad I did.
But I also learned the importance of balance. Success should not come at the cost of health, family, or self-worth. I carried guilt about not giving enough to my son or to my career, when in truth, I was giving all I could. Many professional women live in that tug-of-war.
If I could leave one piece of advice for young women today, it would be this: you are allowed to take up space. Your voice matters. Your presence matters. And no matter what labels they throw, persistence paired with perspective will carry you through.
