When Work Becomes Toxic: Knowing When to Leave
Starting a new job can be an exhilarating experience, but what happens when your expectations fall short and you find yourself dreading Mondays?
My first job out of law school was an experience not unlike Julia’s in A Woman of Extraordinary Talent. I was so excited to start, to apply all the knowledge and problem-solving skills I had acquired over the years of studying, but soon learned the meaning of the terms corporate shark and wolf in a suit.
It wasn’t just the sexist remarks or the stealing of ideas, but the constant feeling of never being enough. The hours were long, the paychecks slim, and the week never-ending. Still, I told myself this was what success looked like. A prestigious job required sacrifice, and I was willing to make it. I stayed late, worked weekends, and always went the extra mile, believing that an impeccable work ethic would eventually be rewarded. Others at the firm made partner—surely that would happen for me too, especially since I was just as competent, just as driven.
The Breaking Point
About three years into that job, something began to shift. The excitement I’d felt starting out, the drive that once carried me through the late nights and impossible deadlines, slowly started to fade. I found myself going through the motions, working longer hours but feeling less connected to the work. A friend mentioned that I didn’t seem like my “bubbly self” anymore, and I remember brushing it off. But the truth was, I wasn’t okay.
I would wake up in the middle of the night, unable to fall back asleep. My appetite disappeared. I would find myself crying for no clear reason, then wipe my tears and head back to the office as if nothing had happened.
It never occurred to me that what I was experiencing had a name or that I could ask for help. I thought it was just part of the job, the price you paid for being a woman trying to prove herself in a world that wasn’t built for you. It took my mother noticing the change in me to finally convince me to seek help. Looking back, I’m deeply grateful I did. That moment was the beginning of realizing that ambition should never come at the expense of your well-being.
Learning When to Walk Away
Even after seeking help, I stayed. I was determined to “fix” things, to prove I could handle the pressure. But there comes a point when staying means shrinking. The firm’s culture was never going to change. Not for me, and not for women like me.
When I was finally told that partnership “might not be in my future,” something clicked. I realized I didn’t want to become one of those people who lived in the office, surviving on caffeine and resentment. I wanted to build a life that included work, not one that revolved around it.
So I left. And I left on my own terms.
Leaving wasn’t failure, it was freedom. It was the first time I allowed myself to believe that my worth wasn’t defined by a title or an office on the 20th floor. My only regret is not leaving earlier. I wish I had known sooner that it was ok to walk away from a situation that wasn’t working.
What I Learned
There’s a powerful myth in professional culture that perseverance always pays off—that if you just work harder, stay longer, push through, things will eventually improve. But sometimes, the bravest thing you can do is recognize that the environment you’re in is not designed for you to thrive.
I learned that you can’t fix everything from the inside. Sometimes the healthiest thing you can do is walk away.
A Mirror in Fiction
When I wrote A Woman of Extraordinary Talent, I poured many of these experiences into Julia’s story. Her struggles with ambition, identity, and self-worth are universal, especially for women in competitive, male-dominated fields. Through her journey, I wanted to show that strength isn’t about enduring endlessly—it’s about knowing when to stand up, when to speak up, and when to step away.
